***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
