just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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