3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
