sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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