20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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