Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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