and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
