when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
