my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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