: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
