my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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