The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
