so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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