i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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