ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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