oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
