if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
