ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
