just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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