I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
