I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
