I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
