and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
