Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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