he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
