I just saw a hot homeless man
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
