woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
