I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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