btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
