I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Non-Jews are for practice
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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