you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
