And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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