So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
