Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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