We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize