I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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