You just made me feel so damn special
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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