I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
