We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
