Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
