why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
