why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
