i don't like sucking hair
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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