i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize