No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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