So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
