you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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