I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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