Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize