Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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