it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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