member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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