how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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