So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
