Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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