I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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