i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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