She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
