ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize