I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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