forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
