Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
