Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
did i walk over a car last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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