just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I want is dick and wine.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
