He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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