This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize