she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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