it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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