He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize