I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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