I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry my hands just texted you
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
