I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
