Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
