considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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