I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
