I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He better not be in your backpack
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
