8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
