even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize