i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
last night I used snow as a chaser
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