I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
