so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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