After last night, I could never be a politician.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
do nipples grow back?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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