i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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