.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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