So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
